Also, be sure to check out the past Christmas funnies ...
Christmas Present (cartoons)
Showing posts with label friday funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friday funny. Show all posts
Friday, December 23, 2016
Friday, July 08, 2016
Belle's Love Triangle
If you think that Belle's love triangle = Belle, Gaston, and the Beast
you would be wrong! :)
you would be wrong! :)
Let's be serious - Gaston and the Beast were subplots.
The real love affair was with the library!
The real love affair was with the library!
After all ...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The 12 Days of Christmas Cutbacks
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;
6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant
as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;
6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant
as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday Funny
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday Fun: Quick and Dirty IQ Test
 Your IQ Is 130 Your Logical Intelligence is Genius Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Above Average |
Friday, January 16, 2009
Friday Funny: Top 10 Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-line Affair
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE MAY BE HAVING AN ON-LINE AFFAIR
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up
6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"
4. Lipstick on the mouse
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
2. The fax file is filled with pictures of someone's butt
1. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up
6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"
4. Lipstick on the mouse
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
2. The fax file is filled with pictures of someone's butt
1. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear
Friday Funny: Ordering animals ...
ORDERING MONGOOSE
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals.
He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals.
He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
Friday, December 19, 2008
Top 10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked ...
Top 10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked:
10. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your hindquarters in here by 8:00!"
9. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
8. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
7. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
4. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
3. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
2. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
And the numbr 1 reason to go to work naked ...
1. No one steals your chair.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Friday Funny: Uses For Fruitcake
Uses for Fruitcake:
Use as a doorstop
Use as a paperweight
Use to clean your pots and pans
Use as boat anchor
Use as bricks in fireplace
Build a house with them
Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
Use as a pencil holder
Give it to the cat for a scratching post
Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
Hold up your car when changing tires
Slice and use for poker chips
Use it to carve your turkey on
Use as replacement for Duraflame log
Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
Use it as a seat at a stadium event
Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
Replaces free weights when you work out
Use as book ends at the school library
Use as a doorstop
Use as a paperweight
Use to clean your pots and pans
Use as boat anchor
Use as bricks in fireplace
Build a house with them
Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
Use as a pencil holder
Give it to the cat for a scratching post
Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
Hold up your car when changing tires
Slice and use for poker chips
Use it to carve your turkey on
Use as replacement for Duraflame log
Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
Use it as a seat at a stadium event
Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
Replaces free weights when you work out
Use as book ends at the school library
Friday Funny: Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween
Here's a new goody for Halloween, and links to last year's posts.
Top ten signs that’s you’re too old to Trick or Treat:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ...." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one sign that you’re too old to go Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
Last Year’s Halloween posts …
Merry Thanksgiveoween
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/merry-thanksgivoween.html
A Flasher I wrote called Trick or Treat
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/trick-or-treat.html
Joke: Trick-or-Treating by your sign
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/11/trick-or-treating-by-your-sign.html
A Naughty Jack-O-Bum (er Lantern LOL)
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/happy-halloween.html
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren’t
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/top-ten-reasons-why-trick-or-treating.html
Zombie Survival Quiz
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/zombie-survival-quiz.html
Halloween Lingo
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/halloween-lingo.html
Halloween Horoscope
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/halloween-horoscope-for-sagittarius.html
Could You Be A Vampire Quiz
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/could-you-be-vampire-quiz.html
Top ten signs that’s you’re too old to Trick or Treat:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ...." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one sign that you’re too old to go Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
Last Year’s Halloween posts …
Merry Thanksgiveoween
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/merry-thanksgivoween.html
A Flasher I wrote called Trick or Treat
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/trick-or-treat.html
Joke: Trick-or-Treating by your sign
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/11/trick-or-treating-by-your-sign.html
A Naughty Jack-O-Bum (er Lantern LOL)
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/happy-halloween.html
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren’t
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/top-ten-reasons-why-trick-or-treating.html
Zombie Survival Quiz
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/zombie-survival-quiz.html
Halloween Lingo
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/halloween-lingo.html
Halloween Horoscope
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/halloween-horoscope-for-sagittarius.html
Could You Be A Vampire Quiz
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/10/could-you-be-vampire-quiz.html
Friday, September 19, 2008
Friday Funny: Mother's Milk
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. ) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in cute containers.
He got an A
He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. ) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in cute containers.
He got an A
Friday Funny: Top 10 Worst Comments to Get on Your Finals
Top 10 Worst Comments to Get on Your Finals
10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.
10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday Funny: Top 10 Signs You Are Addicted to the Internet
Top Ten Signs You are Addicted to the Internet
10. You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.
9. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
8. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
7. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
6. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
5. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
3. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...
2. Even your night dreams are in HTML.
And the number 1 sign that you are addicted to the internet ...
1. You find yourself typing "com" after every period.
10. You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.
9. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
8. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
7. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
6. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
5. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
3. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...
2. Even your night dreams are in HTML.
And the number 1 sign that you are addicted to the internet ...
1. You find yourself typing "com" after every period.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Friday Funny: Eleven Ways That E-mail is Like a Penis
Eleven Ways that E-mail is Like a Penis ...
11. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call e-mail Envy.
7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
And the # 1 reason is..
1. If you play with it too much, you go blind....
11. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call e-mail Envy.
7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
And the # 1 reason is..
1. If you play with it too much, you go blind....
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friday Funny: Top 10 ways to tell if you're an e-mail junkie ...
To ten ways to tell if you're an e-mail junkie :
10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
8. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two just for the free Internet access.
7. You start using Smileys in your snail mail.
6. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem...And you succeed.
5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
4. Your PET has its own home page.
3. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
2. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
and the number 1 way to tell if you're an e-mail junkie ...
1. You tell the cab driver you live at "http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html"
10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
8. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two just for the free Internet access.
7. You start using Smileys in your snail mail.
6. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem...And you succeed.
5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
4. Your PET has its own home page.
3. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
2. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
and the number 1 way to tell if you're an e-mail junkie ...
1. You tell the cab driver you live at "http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html"
Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday Funny: Top 10 Signs Your Sci-Fi Blockbuster Is Going To Bomb
The Top 10 Signs Your Sci-Fi Blockbuster Is Going to Bomb ...
10. "Starring Rosie O'Donnell as Spider-Woman!"
9. Even the Sci-Fi Channel refuses to air it.
8. Isaac Asimov personally returns from the dead just to bitchslap the director.
7. The title, "Shovel Over Your Cash, You Easily Manipulable Geekboy Fans," might be a little too on the nose.
6. When the aliens land their spaceship and extend the olive branch of peace, the people of Earth accept it and the credits roll.
5. Let's just say the green stuff coming out of your Vulcan's pants ain't blood.
4. Thirty minutes into the film, even the bootleggers have left.
3. Fanboys are so picky about the whole "laws of physics" stuff.
2. The premiere is attended by Joel Hodgson and three robot puppets.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Sci-Fi Blockbuster Is Going to Bomb...
1. Your PR team is looking sharp in their new red Starfleet uniforms.
* * *
LOL Number 8 is GREAT! And although I love the Sci Fi channel, I do have to agree that run some crappy movies.
10. "Starring Rosie O'Donnell as Spider-Woman!"
9. Even the Sci-Fi Channel refuses to air it.
8. Isaac Asimov personally returns from the dead just to bitchslap the director.
7. The title, "Shovel Over Your Cash, You Easily Manipulable Geekboy Fans," might be a little too on the nose.
6. When the aliens land their spaceship and extend the olive branch of peace, the people of Earth accept it and the credits roll.
5. Let's just say the green stuff coming out of your Vulcan's pants ain't blood.
4. Thirty minutes into the film, even the bootleggers have left.
3. Fanboys are so picky about the whole "laws of physics" stuff.
2. The premiere is attended by Joel Hodgson and three robot puppets.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Sci-Fi Blockbuster Is Going to Bomb...
1. Your PR team is looking sharp in their new red Starfleet uniforms.
* * *
LOL Number 8 is GREAT! And although I love the Sci Fi channel, I do have to agree that run some crappy movies.
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