Also, be sure to check out the past Christmas funnies ...
Christmas Present (cartoons)
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Friday, December 23, 2016
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Hot Holiday Hunks
Sapphire Phelan did such a wonderful job of posting some Hot Holiday Hunks on her blog that I am going to point you in that direction ...
While you are there, note that before the hot holiday hunks, it was just hot hunks every Wednesday, so there is a lot of eyecandy on her website, as well as some information on her books.
I am trying to find some sexy holiday women to share as well. Wish me luck!
While you are there, note that before the hot holiday hunks, it was just hot hunks every Wednesday, so there is a lot of eyecandy on her website, as well as some information on her books.
I am trying to find some sexy holiday women to share as well. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The 12 Days of Christmas Cutbacks
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;
6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant
as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology
stocks, appear to be in order;
6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant
as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas Past
Once again, it is that time ... for the reposting of all of the Christmas jokes of past years. I hope that you enjoy! Also, make sure to check out the Naughty Is Nice post from last year. Some really nice eyecandy!
Michelle
Top 10 Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
A Christmas Love Story
S & M Christmas (cartoons)
I think Santa Claus is a woman ...
Snowman Cartoons (cartoons)
12 PC Days of Christmas
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Uses For Fruitcake
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, but Aren't
Michelle
Top 10 Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
A Christmas Love Story
S & M Christmas (cartoons)
I think Santa Claus is a woman ...
Snowman Cartoons (cartoons)
12 PC Days of Christmas
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Uses For Fruitcake
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, but Aren't
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
A Christmas gift for yourself!
With Christmas just a couple weeks away, and all of the hustle and chaos of the holiday season, make sure that you are taking time for yourself.Enjoy a night bubble bath (maybe with a significant other!)
Have a glass of chilled juice, wine, whatever makes your nose tickle.
Watch a movie that you haven't had time for in a while, but absolutely love.
Or maybe, just maybe, kick back and enjoy a good book. Don't have time for a full novel? There are plenty of sexy shorts out there as well.
I would like to suggest my little teaser Tied With A Bow. Available from All Romance eBooks, it's economical at only 99cents, and it's perfect for those in the holiday spirit.
Sylvia's husband Devin had to work at the hospital on Christmas Eve, but she has a delightful way for them to usher in Christmas Day, involving lots of ribbon and jingle-bells. Content warning: creative use of jingle-bells
Available from: All Romance eBooks
Whatever you chose to relax, just remember - the holiday season can be fun! Make sure to take time for youself!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Christmas future ...
As my munchkin gets older, hubby and I are looking to change some of the traditions we do for the holidays, focusing less on material stuff and more on family.
So I am interested in what others do for the holidays. I invite you to share some of your favorite holiday traditions.
We already play board games and cards. We are not the types to go caroling, and I don't have the balance for ice skating. Other than that though ... share away ...
So I am interested in what others do for the holidays. I invite you to share some of your favorite holiday traditions.
We already play board games and cards. We are not the types to go caroling, and I don't have the balance for ice skating. Other than that though ... share away ...
Christmas past ...
As the days are winding down, and my munchkin's despiration to please open just one present early, just one, please, I will clean my room, please just on, I will feed the birds for a month, please, please, pullllleeeeeezzzz, etc etc etc I can't help but be in the mood to post some holiday cartoons and jokes. : )
First though, I need to remind you of Christmas' past. LOL
Top 10 Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
A Christmas Love Story
S & M Christmas (cartoons)
I think Santa Claus is a woman ...
Snowman Cartoons (cartoons)
12 PC Days of Christmas
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Uses For Fruitcake
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, but Aren't
First though, I need to remind you of Christmas' past. LOL
Top 10 Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
A Christmas Love Story
S & M Christmas (cartoons)
I think Santa Claus is a woman ...
Snowman Cartoons (cartoons)
12 PC Days of Christmas
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Uses For Fruitcake
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, but Aren't
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Phaze Holiday Sale
Need a quick stocking stuffer or a last-minute gift? Go green and get an ebook!
On Christmas Day only, Thursday, December 25th, all Phaze Books ebook titles will be on sale for 50% off! To take advantage of the sale, enter sale code at checkout: FESTIVE.
Don't delay. The sale will be for Christmas Day only!
And don't forget that Phaze Books has a free holiday collection called "Up The Chimney He Rose..."
Click this link to enjoy stories from Leigh Ellwood, Michelle Houston, Jude Mason, Derek Musgrave, Jamie Hill, and other Phaze Books authors http://www.phaze.com/PhazeHolidayShorts.pdf
Happy Holidays from Phaze Books!
Phaze Books -- www.Phaze.com
On Christmas Day only, Thursday, December 25th, all Phaze Books ebook titles will be on sale for 50% off! To take advantage of the sale, enter sale code at checkout: FESTIVE.
Don't delay. The sale will be for Christmas Day only!
And don't forget that Phaze Books has a free holiday collection called "Up The Chimney He Rose..."
Click this link to enjoy stories from Leigh Ellwood, Michelle Houston, Jude Mason, Derek Musgrave, Jamie Hill, and other Phaze Books authors http://www.phaze.com/PhazeHolidayShorts.pdf
Happy Holidays from Phaze Books!
Phaze Books -- www.Phaze.com
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas, but Aren't
I know that it's not Friday, but here's another Christmas goody.
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
6. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty at Christmas, but isn't ...
1. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
6. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty at Christmas, but isn't ...
1. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Friday Funny: Uses For Fruitcake
Uses for Fruitcake:
Use as a doorstop
Use as a paperweight
Use to clean your pots and pans
Use as boat anchor
Use as bricks in fireplace
Build a house with them
Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
Use as a pencil holder
Give it to the cat for a scratching post
Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
Hold up your car when changing tires
Slice and use for poker chips
Use it to carve your turkey on
Use as replacement for Duraflame log
Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
Use it as a seat at a stadium event
Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
Replaces free weights when you work out
Use as book ends at the school library
Use as a doorstop
Use as a paperweight
Use to clean your pots and pans
Use as boat anchor
Use as bricks in fireplace
Build a house with them
Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
Use as a pencil holder
Give it to the cat for a scratching post
Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
Hold up your car when changing tires
Slice and use for poker chips
Use it to carve your turkey on
Use as replacement for Duraflame log
Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
Use it as a seat at a stadium event
Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
Replaces free weights when you work out
Use as book ends at the school library
Friday Funny: Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Up The Chimney He Rose ...
As a way to thank our many readers, Phaze Books authors have contributed stories to a great free collection called "Up The Chimney He Rose..." This sexy holiday collection includes stories from Leigh Ellwood, Bridget Midway, Jae Knight, D. Musgrave, Michelle Houston, Jane Leopold Quinn, Jude Mason, Jamie Hill, Victoria Blisse and Lisabet Sarai!
Happy holidays!
from Phaze Books
www.phaze.com/PhazeHolidayShorts.pdf
---
My contribution is WRITING OF LOVE, which follows Diggin' Up Bones with Alisa and Zach's first Christmas together.
Monday, December 01, 2008
'Tis The Season ...
In the spirit of giving, here's some funnies I shared last year for Christmas. I will post any other goodies as I find them.
Enjoy!
Top Ten Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/top-10-reasons-why-christmas-trees-are.html
A Christmas Love Story
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/christmas-love-story.html
S & M Christmas
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/s-m-christmas.html
I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman …
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-think-santa-claus-is-woman.html
Snowman Cartoons
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/snowman-cartoons.html
A Flasher I wrote called Nicely Naughty
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/nicely-naughty.html
12 PC Days of Christmas
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/12-pc-days-of-christmas.html
Enjoy!
Top Ten Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/top-10-reasons-why-christmas-trees-are.html
A Christmas Love Story
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/christmas-love-story.html
S & M Christmas
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/s-m-christmas.html
I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman …
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-think-santa-claus-is-woman.html
Snowman Cartoons
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/snowman-cartoons.html
A Flasher I wrote called Nicely Naughty
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/nicely-naughty.html
12 PC Days of Christmas
http://eroticpen.blogspot.com/2007/12/12-pc-days-of-christmas.html
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
12 PC Days of Christmas
This came through on one of the lists that I am on, and I thought it too funny not to share. Please keep in mind - it is just a joke. I believe in conservation, and in preserving the planet for future generations. But I can admit that some people have taken it a bit too far, and some have lied in efforts to further their cause, this discrediting it.
Without further ado ... the 12 PC Days.
Author unknown.
On the twelfth day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift pakage has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and. . .
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Good Kwanzaa, and in case I didn't list your religious celebration or in case you don't celebrate - Happy Holiday !
Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
Without further ado ... the 12 PC Days.
Author unknown.
On the twelfth day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift pakage has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and. . .
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Good Kwanzaa, and in case I didn't list your religious celebration or in case you don't celebrate - Happy Holiday !
Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
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